As February unfolds, conversations about love and relationships abound. However, this year, let’s pull back the curtain a bit further. What truly impacts our ability to love ourselves and connect with others?
Here’s what we’ve been noticing within your community:
Deconstructing the Notion of “Burden”
The predominant concern we hear when we talk about finding support within community is this worry that our needs/emotions are burdens.
That no one can or want to deal with our needs/emotions, because perhaps we ourselves don’t want to have to deal with our needs/ emotions either.
And if you’re anything like me, just having feelings and needs prompt a voice in your head about your worth and whether or not you deserve to love yourself, let alone be loved.
“Why am I so sensitive?”
“Why can’t I be like everyone else?”
“Why can’t I handle this better?”
And when we think about reaching out for support, we think:
“No one wants to hear about that.”
“They already have so much going on.”
“I don’t want to be a burden.”
But what is a burden, really? What criteria are we using to define what is and isn’t a burden, and how does that fit in with our values, ethics, and the world we want to build, the world we want to be in? (Clearly, Dr. Who has a whole different set of criteria for burden-ness)
Understanding Society’s Priorities
Now, I’m not saying people are going to magically stop thinking that emotions and needs are a burden. In the context of today’s society, they kind of are!
Here me out. The reason why needs and emotions are considered a burden is because it gets in the way of what our profit-driven society prioritizes.
The profit-driven society that causes the deep pain of isolation and loneliness in the first place!
Like I said, “burden” is socially constructed.
By definition, social construction is any concept that exists as a result of humans interacting, creating and subtly agreeing to social contracts that continues to be perpetuated to become the context we live in.
Often, these contexts were built up long before we were born.
Read: they were built from someone else’s imagination.
Social constructs exists, and have very real impacts, but they are not objective reality.
The truth of the matter is, feelings are inconvenient in a society that wants you to be productive and to prioritize capital-based definitions of success, so you can spend that capital on things that will then make more capital for other people.
The only feelings that matter in that equation? Feelings of inadequacy. Because the feeling of inadequacy is profitable.
The Real Question: Existence in a Constructed Society
In societies that prioritizes relationships and community? Working and individualistic, monetary notions of success would be the inconvenience.
This is why I think the argument of whether or not feelings are a burden, is irrelevant.
The real question is, do you want to exist in a society where emotions, needs, relationships, and connection are seen as an inconvenience?
Where they are deprioritized as worthless?
Where this fundamental facet of humanness is deemed a problem to be eradicated?
Where we have seen time and time again that its de-prioritization causes widespread, endemic suffering?
And within the relationships that you’re looking to build:
Are relationships that see your emotions and needs as a burden the type of relationship that would be sustainable for you? Is it nurturing for you? Is this the type of relationship you want?
If social construction is built on humans collectively agreeing to a social contract for how the world should be, then your choices with your community about how you treat one another can create a whole new way of being for us all.
Deconstructing the Notion of “Burden”
The notion that our emotional needs are burdensome is a profound barrier to authentic connection and self-compassion. This belief system, ingrained by societal norms and personal insecurities, prompts a cascade of self-doubt and isolation. Questions like “Why am I so sensitive?” or “Why can’t I handle this better?” are not just reflections of individual anxiety but indicators of a broader societal issue that undervalues emotional vulnerability and interdependence. Here, anxiety counselling in Vancouver plays a critical role, offering individuals a space to navigate these feelings and begin to see their needs and emotions as valid and essential aspects of their humanity.
Understanding Society’s Priorities
The perception of emotional needs as burdens is intricately linked to the priorities of a profit-driven society. In such a context, emotions and needs are seen as impediments to productivity and the relentless pursuit of capital-based definitions of success. This societal framework not only fosters feelings of inadequacy but also profits from them, perpetuating a cycle of isolation and loneliness. Recognizing this as a socially constructed reality opens the door to questioning and reshaping the values and ethics that underpin our interactions and the world we aspire to create.
The Real Question: Existence in a Constructed Society
The core issue is not whether our emotions and needs are burdens but whether we wish to continue existing within a societal framework that deems them so. Societies that prioritize relationships, community, and emotional well-being present a stark contrast to the individualistic, profit-driven models that currently dominate. This reflection is crucial in envisioning a world where emotional authenticity and connection are celebrated rather than suppressed. Self-worth counselling in Vancouver can be instrumental in this process, assisting individuals in recognizing their inherent value beyond societal measures of success and productivity.
Transforming Relationships and Community
The relationships we seek and nurture play a pivotal role in challenging and transforming societal constructs around emotional needs. Sustainable and nurturing relationships are those that welcome vulnerability and mutual support, rejecting the notion that emotional expression is a burden. By collectively reimagining our social contracts to prioritize connection, empathy, and mutual care, we have the power to forge new pathways of being that honor our fundamental human needs.
Creating a New Way of Being
The potential for societal transformation lies in our collective actions and the choices we make within our communities. If social constructs are the result of collective agreement, then it stands to reason that we possess the collective agency to redefine them. Embracing this perspective necessitates a shift towards communities where emotional expression and support are integral to their fabric. This shift is not only about individual healing but about reimagining societal structures to foster well-being and connection.
The Role of Counselling in Navigating Social Constructs
Counselling services, including trauma counselling in Vancouver, provide vital support in navigating the complex landscape of social constructs and emotional needs. Trauma counselling, in particular, addresses the deep-seated impacts of societal devaluation of emotions, offering pathways to healing and empowerment. Through these therapeutic engagements, individuals can begin to dismantle internalized beliefs about burdensomeness and cultivate relationships and communities that reflect their true values and needs.
Conclusion
The journey toward redefining our emotional needs and relationships in the context of a constructed society is both challenging and profoundly rewarding. By critically examining the notions of burden and societal priorities, we can begin to unravel the complex web of interactions that shape our ability to love ourselves and connect with others. Supported by anxiety counselling in Vancouver, self-worth counselling in Vancouver, and trauma counselling in Vancouver, we are equipped to challenge and transform the social constructs that hinder our collective well-being. In doing so, we pave the way for a new era of humanity—one that values connection, empathy, and emotional authenticity as cornerstones of a thriving society.
