How much of your pain revolves around limiting beliefs you just can’t seem to shake?

Understanding Our Relationship with Identities

What if I told you that much of our pain stems from clutching onto identities as if they were unchangeable truths? Whether it’s the belief that ‘no one cares about me’ or ‘I am not enough’, these identities dramatically shift how we interact with ourselves and the world around us, restricting the possibilities of the worlds and the growth and the ease we allow ourselves to rest in.

The Impact of Fixed Identities

We might not to let ourselves lean into experiences of care because we cling on to an identity of unworthiness, drawing us deeper into our sense of isolation. We might not to let ourselves grow out of helplessness narratives because a world where we are helpless is the only world we know how to navigate, keeping us stuck in exhausting cycles of self-sabotage. Or maybe our identity of unworthiness is absolutely necessary because they are consistently socially reinforced and has become a coping strategy when the cost of changing our circumstances are too high. We might not let ourselves truly live our values of equity and justice because our identities of privilege are terrified that accepting its messy nuance would question the self-understanding of our goodness, of our hardworking nature, of all the things we’ve convinced ourselves are indications of whether or not we are worthy of love and care and being, thus locking us into a status quo that continues to harm us all.

And it all makes sense; it makes sense why we’ve collectively built this relationship with our identities. The dominant way of being in the world has been cultivated through an individualistic lens; a lens that leans into solipsism, a lens that trains us to hone in on our ability to understand the world through solidifying our knowing of ourselves and our relationship with the world we exist within. If we are right, if we know what we know, and if that is the absolute truth, then the endless possibilities and grief of what could have been wouldn’t haunt us. We would have a map for what it means to be good in the world, what ideals we should strive for. And when there is too much we cannot control, cannot foresee, cannot prepare for, we can thwart the instability of groundlessness by leaning on the constant we have the most access to – ourselves.

Changing our relationship with identities

But here’s the thing, your identity is not you. Shifting our understanding of ourselves and our world doesn’t actually take away from our safety or from being able to ground ourselves within the constant of us. (Even if sometimes Instagram low-key asks “Who even are you?” and tries to send us into a panic attack during a profile update.)

You are the you that perceives you. The grounded constant of you is in the fact that you can continually perceive you; it’s not in the what nor the how of you perceiving you. Your perception of yourself and your relationship with the world around you is supposed to shift. It’s supposed to shift like tectonic plates that builds the earth’s geological features, the geological features which facilitate life to emerge. Changing your perception of you and your relationship with the world around you is what it means to have life, what it means to be, what it means to be with. You exist as a part of the ecology of the world and of community.

Safety and strength is not in rigidity, it’s in being able to adapt. The strongest, most fortified structures don’t stand a chance against the unbreakableness of water, the impermanent permanence of wind, the possibility of lightening storms.

Practical Reflections for Self-Worth and Self-Understanding

So what have you learned to perceive about yourself? How is it keeping you stuck in a world that no longer serves you? What is your world now prompting you to shift? What might you need in order to recognize which perceptions of yourself – while valid in another time, in another context – need to become impermanent so that you can find new worlds, new growth, and new spaces of ease? Which perceptions of you do you want to become your own personal version of tectonic plates that will facilitate new ways of your being to emerge? What becomes possible for you when you lean into the wisdom of water, the ever presence of wind, and the powerful impact of lightening storms?

Common Questions & Reflections:

To help guide you in this process, here are some thoughts on commonly asked questions:

What are some everyday situations where you might confront fixed identities?

Think about the last time you were in a meeting and someone questioned your expertise, or when a loved one reflected something back to you that didn’t align with how you see yourself. Notice how quickly defensiveness might arise, how your body tightens, how your breath shifts. These moments of friction often reveal where we’re gripping tightly to fixed ideas about who we are – whether that’s our professional capacity, our role in relationships, or our understanding of our place in the world. When we can notice these reactions with curiosity rather than judgment, we begin to see patterns in how we’ve learned to protect ourselves through rigid self-concepts. This process opens us up to new perspectives, fostering growth and revealing new paths that we might not have considered before, leading to fuller, more genuine interactions and relationships.

What are specific examples or guidelines on how we can recognize and challenge limiting beliefs about identity?

Liberation from limiting beliefs isn’t about forcing ourselves to “think differently” – that’s still operating from the same system that created these constraints. Instead, we might:

• Practice noticing our embodied responses to identity challenges
• Engage with perspectives that make us uncomfortable, especially those from communities different from our own
• Use writing as a tool for excavation, not just recording thoughts but tracking the sensations and emotions that arise with certain beliefs
• Remain curious about what else might be possible beyond the stories we’ve inherited about ourselves

Remember, we’re not trying to “fix” ourselves – we’re creating space to notice how these beliefs were shaped by systems of oppression and survival responses. Want to explore this further? Our monthly newsletter offers regular prompts for this kind of reflection.

What are the common challenges or resistances that might come up when trying to view identity as fluid?

Let’s be real – holding onto fixed identities is like wearing that emotional equivalent of the comfort sweater you’ve had since undergrad. Sure, it might have some holes and maybe it’s not the most stylish anymore, but it’s familiar and it’s gotten you through some stuff. In a world that often feels chaotic and unsafe, especially for marginalized communities, having a solid sense of who we are can feel like armor. The challenge comes when that armor starts to restrict our movement, our growth, our ability to connect.

Some common experiences that might arise:

• Fear of losing ground in spaces where your identity has been hard-won
• Pressure from family or community to maintain certain ways of being
• Internal resistance when shifting identities challenges your survival strategies
• Discomfort with the grief that can come from letting go of familiar self-concepts

This is deep work that often benefits from skilled support. Whether that’s through community care, cultural healing practices, or professional guidance – you deserve space to explore these shifts generatively. Having a space that supports you to work through these changes in a compassionate way can be extremely helpful. You can do this with friends and family you trust, or work with a therapist. Our counsellors specialize in supporting this journey through an anti-oppressive, culturally responsive lens. Feel free to book a consult with our therapists who specialize in personal growth counselling and self worth counselling here if you’re needing more support.

How can we overcome these challenges and what resources might we need?

This work isn’t meant to be done in isolation – that’s another colonial trap. Consider:

• Finding or creating community spaces where identity exploration is welcomed
• Engaging with practitioners who understand the intersection of personal and systemic work
• Accessing resources that center marginalized voices and wisdom
• Participating in workshops or groups that approach identity work through a justice lens

Check out our resource database for community-sourced recommendations that center BIPOC, queer, and other marginalized perspectives.

How do different cultures shape the perception of identity, and what can we learn from cultures that embrace more fluid concepts of identity?

Many of our ancestral traditions understood identity as inherently fluid and collective. Indigenous knowledge systems often view the self as inseparable from community, land, and spirit. These teachings remind us that the rigid, individualistic understanding of identity is relatively new – a product of colonial and capitalist systems designed to separate us from our inherent interconnectedness.

When we look to cultural traditions that maintained more fluid understandings of self, we find wisdom about:

• The importance of ceremony and ritual in marking identity transitions
• The role of community in holding our various expressions of self
• How identity shifts with seasons, cycles, and life stages
• Ways of understanding self through relationship rather than individualism

Are there historical or contemporary examples where cultural shifts in understanding identity had a significant impact on societal norms?

When we look at movements for collective liberation, we see how shifting understandings of identity have always been central to social transformation. But let’s move beyond the mainstream narrative that often centers whiteness – like the sanitized version of the civil rights movement or second-wave feminism. Instead, let’s look at how BIPOC, queer, and disabled communities have long understood identity as both personal and political, fluid and interconnected.

Consider:

• How Black feminist thought has always understood identity as intersectional
• The ways Two-Spirit people have preserved knowledge about gender fluidity despite colonial violence
• How disability justice activists have reimagined bodymind identity beyond the medical model
• The wisdom of immigrant communities in navigating multiple cultural identities

These movements remind us that identity fluidity isn’t just about personal growth – it’s about collective liberation from rigid systems that were never meant to serve us.

How does embracing a fluid identity change relationships, both personal and professional?

When we release our grip on fixed identities, something beautiful happens in our relationships. Instead of showing up as who we think we should be, or who others expect us to be, we can move with more authenticity and responsiveness.

This might look like:

• Being able to hold complexity in our relationships without defaulting to binary thinking
• Creating space for loved ones to evolve beyond our initial understanding of them
• Bringing more curiosity and less judgment to workplace dynamics
• Allowing our relationships with community to shape and reshape us

This flexibility doesn’t mean we lose our boundaries or values. Instead, it allows us to hold them with more intention and awareness, recognizing that even our boundaries might need to shift as we grow and change. If you would like more support in these areas, you can book a free consultation for self worth counselling or relationship counselling here.

How does the concept of fluid identity intersect with mental health?

From an anti-oppressive lens, mental health isn’t just about individual wellness – it’s about relationship and our capacity to respond to and transform the systems we’re embedded in. When we approach identity work this way, we’re not just trying to feel better within oppressive systems. We’re actually building our collective capacity for the change crucial to sustainable wellness.

This understanding of fluid identity:

• Helps us recognize when our “symptoms” are actually reasonable responses to unreasonable conditions
• Allows us to question diagnostic labels that pathologize our survival strategies
• Creates space for cultural and ancestral approaches to healing
• Supports us in moving between individual and collective care practices

Remember, this work isn’t about reaching some perfect state of identity fluidity. It’s about creating more possibilities for being, belonging, and becoming – both for ourselves and for our communities. Would you like support exploring these themes further? Our counselling team approaches this work through an intersectional, justice-oriented lens that honors both personal and collective healing journeys.

Resources for Further Exploration

• Looking for support in exploring your relationship with identity? Book a free consultation for self-worth counselling in Vancouver
• Access our free database for self-work resources
• Join our monthly therapist-in-your-inbox newsletter for regular reflection prompts

Understanding that your self-worth is not defined by external expectations is a crucial step in personal healing. Exploring this can help cultivate self-acceptance and resilience in the face of societal pressures.